


broken pieces

by meryah16



Series: Broken Pieces [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers Movie Night, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Families of Choice, Family Loss, Living Together, Realization, Recovery, Road Trips, Sorrow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2015-05-22
Packaged: 2018-02-25 09:25:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2616785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meryah16/pseuds/meryah16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of the battle of Manhattan, Clint and Natasha cope with Phil's death, and learn to live.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which there is a Spontaneous Roadtrip and natasha is Pleasantly Surprised

**Author's Note:**

> The beginning of my epic. This story runs before and during the events of 'The Adelphoi'.

Natasha eyes her silent partner. He's sinking into his chair, one foot up on hers, pulling out his Russian copy of Crime and Punishment, a sure sign of his trying not to think. He doesn't look up when the waitress puts the shawarma in front of him, just reaches out for the wrap and rips a piece off with one hand while the other keeps the book open.  
She knows there's only a thin barrier keeping them both from collapse, and hopes it wouldn't happen yet.  
  
They part later. Tony takes Steve and Bruce back to Stark Tower; only he keeps calling it 'Avengers' Tower' and insists they all need to come there, promising them multiple floors each. Fury sends an agent (trust him to know where they are) to pick up Clint and Natasha, and ends up taking Thor along too, since he wants to see his brother.  
  
In the infirmary, they bandage each other up; Clint's knee is pretty bad, and Natasha makes an exasperated comment about falling out of windows, and Clint responds by saying he jumped and for a moment it's almost normal.  
Except there should be a third person there.  
  
Clint hijacks a SHIELD car and they leave the compound (and a probably irate Fury) behind and just start driving. Once out of the city, Clint accelerates more and more and Natasha, who was reciting the words forFinlandia in the original Finnish over and over to keep from thinking suddenly realizes they're going past one hundred miles an hour.  
  
'Barton...'  
  
He doesn't respond.  
  
~~~  
Pay attention, Barton, you almost hit that truck. Phil - don't think about that – one hundred bottles of beer, no, vodka on the wall – I wasn't there to help. I wasn't there. I was leading an attack against everything he stood for. I wasn't there when my handler – Coulson – Phil – my brother– was dying. He died. He's dead. He's gone. He's dead. Gone. Gonegonegonegone-gone-  
  
'Clint! chert voz'mi, Clint, slow down!'  
  
His grip on the steering wheel is white-knuckled and it takes a moment before his foot leaves the accelerator. He can feel moisture stinging his eyelids and can't remember the last time he cried about anything; and then he's losing it. He brakes sharply, swinging onto a gravel road and skidding to a stop. He can't see anything anymore, anything but Phil's face the last time he saw him. A ragged breath escapes him.  
  
~~~  
He pulls over and leans his arms against the wheel, dropping his head onto them, and then his shoulders start shaking. Natasha's never seen him cry before; he's always pulled through the hardest situations with terrible jokes, but this is Coulson and she can feel his loss too. After Clint, he was the first to accept her into SHIELD, even before Fury trusted her, simply because Clint did. She opens her door, crosses to the driver's side and opens his, then takes his hand. He comes without saying a word, still breathing hard, and she leans against the side of the car, arms holding him, trying to offer comfort. He cries then, soaking her shirt and she can feel her own eyes watering. Coulson was their only family, and now he's gone.  
  
Clint recovers slowly, shuddering gasps still escaping him, and sits back up.  
  
'I'm so sorry, Nat,' he says. 'I wasn't there. It's my fault; I wasn't there!'  
  
'Stop that right there,' she tells him. 'It's Loki's fault, not yours. You weren't trained for any of what happened, and you can't be blamed for it.'  
  
He looks into her eyes, desperately wanting something, anything, to change, to bring Phil back saying, 'It was just a prank.' But he knows it won't happen. Phil is dead. He's gone. Nothing can change that, nothing at all. They sit there, side by side, backs against the car, for a long time.  
  
~~~  
Clint is on the passenger side now, eyes closed, fighting a headache. They aren't sure where they're going; somewhere maybe where they can forget for a while, only what place is that? Phil was Clint's handler for almost eleven years, and both of theirs for eight. They've been all over the world with him. He was more than the person on the other side of the comm., he was Clint's brother in all the ways that mattered, a better brother than Barney had ever been.  
  
They drive straight south for almost thirty hours, switching off regularly and napping in the passenger side, both silent, until they reach Colorado. Natasha breaks the quiet as she slides back into the driver's seat.  
  
'Should we go back?'  
  
He looks away, out over the mountains, before bringing his eyes back to her.  
  
'Nat-'  
  
He can't finish, just folds himself into the seat and slams the door. She puts the car in gear again and continues west.  
  
They stop in Grand Junction, pulling over beside an actual truck-stop restaurant, since Natasha flatly refused to eat any more heat-lamp-warmed Bavarian sausages. The place isn't wonderful, but the food, Clint assures her, is top-notch. And then she laughs at him for using a word like that, and he grins and for a moment everything is normal.  
  
Natasha sits well away from the window in a little booth where she can see the entrance and Clint slides in next to her. The waitress is friendly, if a little sleep-deprived, and the food, as promised, is excellent. Clint's got something on his mind and Natasha is fine with silence, so the only noises come from the kitchen and the highway outside. They're almost finished before Clint speaks.  
  
'Tasha, I wanna marry you.'  
  
Her fork freezes halfway to her mouth, eyes widening in surprise, and he hurries on.  
  
'I wanted to talk to you earlier, but then all this craziness started happening and we got too busy. And – It-' he makes a frustrated noise. 'I was up there on the roof, couldn't even see you, felt like I was useless… I don' want that to happen again, Nat. I don't wanna be without you.' He stares at his hands for a moment, then looks her in the face. 'I love you.'  
  
There's something in his eyes – Natasha recalls a day, almost nine years earlier, when he finally caught up with her and actually had the arrow at her throat before he really looked at her. His gaze now is similar, but there's something more in it. She's seen it in marks that she was sent by the Red Room to seduce, seen it in the unguarded moments before she ripped information from them and sent them to their graves, but with Clint it's as far unrelated to that lust as poison is from water. Nothing she's ever done has prepared her for this.  
  
She's been broken, but so has Barton, and her jagged edges fit against his somehow and for the first time since the Red Room she's whole.  
  
'Yes,' she says simply, and takes his hand.


	2. In Which there is News and Intrigue and Domesticity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint and Natasha get some startling news and life at the Tower begins.

And of course, when Clint and Natasha return, one week later and tanned, tired of driving, and married, Fury calls them into his office and the first thing he says is, ‘Phil’s not dead.’  
Clint almost breaks his nose. Natasha has to hold him back.

‘You understand, they needed the push,’ Fury tells them. ‘Phil agreed with me; he told me to use him. Died three times on the operating table. I was going to let you know, but you disappeared on me.’ He fixes them with his eye and Clint’s stomach sinks a little. Fraternization isn’t forbidden, but couples generally aren’t allowed on the same team, and he likes Strike Team Delta.  
But Fury doesn’t mention their wedding, and Clint decides to believe he doesn’t know about it. 

They can’t see Phil yet, though. Something about medical comas, and doctors’ orders, and isolation on account of germs.  
  
Fury informs them that Stark has been rather bothersome about the team moving into his tower (apparently he’s calling Avengers Tower now), and they are to be stationed there. ‘Eyes and ears,’ he mentions. Clint understands his meaning.

***

We do need to be realistic about this,' Bruce says. Sitting in the living room seven floors from the roof and eating sandwiches, the Avengers are discussing terms of living with people ranging from extremely sensible (Pepper Potts, Stark's girlfriend) to completely nuts (Tony Stark). 

'We're a bunch of dysfunctional people trying to live together,' Bruce goes on. 'It's gonna get messy sometimes.'  
'Umm,' Steve agrees. 'We could try things like schedules – what about cooking and cleaning?'  
Tony puts up a hand.  
'You guys do realize, I have a staff for that.'  
Clint turns his head to smirk at him. He’s pretty sure he’s going to enjoy living here.  
' Food tastes so much better when you make it yourself, Stark.'  
'Okay then,' Pepper says. She's got a STARKpad from somewhere and is busily typing. 'JARVIS, can you put this up for me, please?'  
The blue hologram is a list of basic chores, including meals. Beside each chore is a blank space for a name. After some deliberation, they settle on chores done when more than three people are present. Tony protests at actual cleaning, asking what the point in having lots of money is, if not to get other people to do that sort of thing for you. He's overruled by a vote of four to two (Clint agreed with Tony), and Pepper starts assigning names.  
'What about Thor?' she asks. Shrugs meet her words.  
'I'm not sure even Director Fury knows if he'll come back,' Steve offers. Pepper leaves him off.  
  
By the time everything is finished to everyone's satisfaction, Clint and Natasha's things arrive. Even after almost nine years of living at SHIELD, they haven't accumulated an enormous amount of personal possessions, but Tony and Steve go along to help anyway. Clint is a little surprised at how finished everything is; he supposes that's what happens when billionaires get their houses smashed up.  
'So someone mentioned that you two share a room,' Tony mentions, cocking an eyebrow and clearly wanting Clint to volunteer what he, Tony, isn't stupid enough to ask straight out. Clint decides not to humour him.  
'Yeah. It's easier to sleep with someone at your back,' he says blandly, and dumps a suitcase in the closet.  
'Tasha, I'm not putting your stuff away,' he yells out the door. Tony doesn't mention it again. There's only so far one should push those who can kill one as easy as breathe.  
  
Bruce and Steve make supper, just spaghetti and tomato sauce. Afterwards, Tony decides that to celebrate the new living arrangements, they're going to start a regular Movie Night.  
'At least four a week,' he declares, but Pepper overrides him and puts it down to two at the most. He agrees fake-grumpily and pulls out a selection, evidently deciding that since it was his idea, he gets to pick first. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (Tony says they've got to start slow, for Steve's sake) is not a movie Clint thought he would enjoy, but he finds it entertaining.  
  
Much later, his back pressed up against Natasha's and the smell of the new paint in their bedroom filling his nostrils, Clint wonders aloud how long it'll take for Tony to get fed up with them.  
'Shut up and go to sleep, Barton,' Natasha tells him, so he does.


	3. In Which it is Discovered why arrows are Useful and Bruce (almost) gets angry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brother is dying, monsters are fought, and people take issue with the way Clint deals with things.

Clint and Natasha finally see Phil; he's in SHIELD's most secure section of the med wing at the Triskellion, deep in a coma. The spear entered his back just under his heart, nicking the heart sac as it exited through the chest. It's really a wonder Phil's alive at all.  
He lies on his side, bandages on both sides of his body, pale and motionless, scarcely breathing. The wound isn't healing and light, reddish streaks are barely visible around the area.

He looks dead.

***

Life at the Tower settles down fairly quickly. Much of the time Steve is at SHIELD, Tony spends a lot of time in Malibu with Pepper and Bruce, and Jane Foster, the astrophysicist from New Mexico, along with Jane's assistant, Darcy Lewis. Clint and Natasha are sent on missions with unfamiliar handlers and derive pleasure from disconcerting or antagonizing them (at least, Clint does). 

The Avengers are called out on average perhaps four or five times in a month. The Fantastic Four, who had been off-planet during the Chitauri debacle, and the X-Men, who'd been occupied with some internal problem involving a rogue mutant group, occasionally pair up with them, but more often not. 

It's just after the first battle the Avengers fight after the Chitauri, that Clint, who's being bandaged extensively due to a nasty fall from a two-storey building, notices the Hulk, still green, standing in the battlefield. Several SHIELD agents face him, and he recognizes the tranquilizer guns. The Hulk roars.

Clint stumbles off the gurney, seizing his bow and an arrow as he does, and limps towards the Hulk, who continues to roar, swatting at the nearest agent. Someone behind him yells, but he pays no heed, moving out of the cover of an overturned vehicle and into the path of the enraged Hulk. 

‘What’s he doing?’ Daniels shouts over the noise. ‘The idiot! He’ll get himself killed!’  
Natasha plants two fingers in his solar plexus, enough to stop the agent from running after Clint (maybe a little more, the handler’s a moron), and watches her partner. Clint is standing directly in front of the Hulk, one arrow notched on the string. He seems to be speaking.

‘Hi Hulk,’ Clint says conversationally. The Hulk stops his batting at the cars and looks down to face him. ‘I understand you’re upset right now. I’d be upset too, with people shooting at me. I know you’re afraid of the guns, that Bruce will get hurt.’  
He notches the arrow and raises the bow, showing the Hulk. ‘This will put you to sleep,’ he continues. ‘It won’t hurt, and I promise Bruce will be fine if you go to sleep, ok? Sleep.’ And he lets the arrow fly. 

***

Clint gets reamed out later. Two handlers are calling for his suspension and and on his way in, at least ten people backed or turned away.  
He can't blame them; it really does look as if he is suicidal. He thumbs his hearing aids off and stands in front of Fury’s desk, waiting until the noise dies down. Natasha stands beside him, equally quiet.  
Fury raises a hand.  
‘All right, shut up, people. Barton, why?’  
He breathes in slowly and answers.  
‘Arrows are silent. Hulk’s scared of guns, got good reason to be. He just gets excited when he hears them, so tranquiliser bullets won’t work.’

Fury sighs. ‘Fine. You’re on Hulk duty for the future. Daniels, I'm relieving you of handler duty for the next month; go see Sitwell.'

***

Bruce is furious with Clint when he comes to, and won't even let him try to explain. When Clint finally corners him, catches one wrist, and manages to blurt out, ‘He wasn’t gonna hurt me,’ Bruce says nothing, just stares at him with eyes far too old for his face.  
‘Listen Bruce, Hulk isn’t gonna hurt me. I stepped in ‘cause the tranq guns weren’t working, but I knew what I was doing. He’s scared of the guns, but arrows don’t make any noise, so he doesn’t know what they do.’  
Bruce twists his wrist in Clint’s grasp, shaking his head, but Clint goes on quietly.  
‘I won’t let him hurt me, Doc. I’m not suicidal, and I wouldn’t do that to you. Please, just trust me.’  
Bruce lets out a breath and Clint catches a glimpse of what he must face every day, knowing that if he doesn’t maintain control, people could die. Then he nods shortly and Clint lets him go.

**Author's Note:**

> And we're off! I apologize in advance for the huge gaps of time between postings.


End file.
